Was arguing with James about living life to the fullest everyday, or to take things one step at a time....because, technically we have our whole lifetime (or the remaining of it) to do things that we wanted to do
Its been awhile since such heated debate crops out from an innocent discussion, from him giving me a long lecture about meeting people in car park (its really a one-off thing...and I'll never do that if I don't feeel right about it....my 6th sense is usually right)....to this long debate on how we should live our life..
I'm torn between the 2 options. Part of me want to do everything at once.....want to experience everything because, I really don't know if I'll still exist tomorrow, next week or in a year time. This part of me was much more apparent after the that car crash and when Mom was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. I feel like i have this need to do everything, regardless that I'm tired and worned out.....
And the other part of me regretted all the rush....to squeeze everything into every single day.
I'm grumpy, I'm tired all the time.....so much so, that I started to lisp while I talked. Mentally, I survived at work by focusing really hard......if they pay me, i'm giving them their money's worth........that's the very least I can do. I can't live the tag that I'm doing badly at work......its the competitiveness in me.
or maybe, its an ego thing...
When I reach home, I'm so tired that I don't think I can utter another word out of my mouth. The last thing I'll say, will be "Good nite, Rocky ...." ...and that too, because he won't answered back with a chain of questions that I have no energy to answer....It had come to a point, that I have no energy to have a decent conversation with people that I love.
All i want to do is to shower and conked out on the bed.
Those are the darkest days that I have. My mood are rarely good....even though I think I'm pretty chirpy each day. Its not anyone's fault that I'm not feeling good......there's no reason for them to feel the wrath of my bad mood.......
and this week, I've finally come to terms with NOW. I should live for the moment...which is NOW. IF it can be done now, I'll do it....if it can't be done...then I'll just have to accept that and see if there's another time. I feel much better...
I don't need to rush anything..........because I don't need to.
If I don't get to experience everything that I wanted to, I'll just have to accept that . Maybe I'm not meant to do everything.....maybe I'm supposed to live an ordinary life.......
well, its good to be at peace
Because, right now...I think I'm feeling at peace
Well, it might have something to do with buying 3 pairs of shoes at one go......and all the mushy romance in the Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse are having an effect.....coz I just feel mushy...kekekekek
its a lovely night...and I hope everyone else is having a lovely night........
OH, and its really sad that HY is off sick, GG is having a crazy week and Kaggom is still working at 8.30pm when all of us are supposed to meet up for a catch up session since we last met. I was really looking forward to see GG's inpersonation of Panda Po again.......kekekeke.....that funny squint that he does without realising it. But I guess, I did pick the worse day to have this .....when HY is sick, G is having a crazy day......don't think it'll be an enjoyable nite! So, its a good thing afterall, that the night out is cancelled!!
And I can go back to finish off the last bit of Eclipse......and start with the last book, Breaking Dawn......heheheh..
