dormant

Its been ages since I've posted any entries. Its almost like a century in the blogging world, if you don't update your blog at least once a day. Hence, I won't be surprise if they might just considered my blog to be dead....if Blogger keep track of such thing.

Its hard to be my chirpy, bubbly self these days. Its easier to be foul and grumpy.
But that's not a pretty sight.....I hate feeling ugly..coz when u are mean and grumpy, you are plain ugly. Hey, waking up everyday and getting myself to work is becoming a chore.......
Sometimes, I feel like I might as well be a zombie and go to work, clock out and just don't give a damn about how I perform.

That's one thing that I need to learn. As much as I don't yearn to be a "superstar" at work, I also don't want to be "that" person that'll screw up every assignment. To make an assignment a success...I need to put in effort...which at this point in time...I can't find a reason why I want to do so.

In summary the situation look like this :
1) No overtime claim. Employees will be rewarded at the discreet of the Company.
2) General consensus around the firm, there'll be no increment, minimal promotion...and bonus will be minimal.

and by the way, I was told by my coach, I'm performing quite well, but since I'm with the firm less than 6 months, I'm fall under the "default" bellcurve rating.....in layman terms, I don't qualify for bonus la.

So...no prospect of moving up the career ladder, my pay is literally stagnant.....and no bonus. PLus, if i put in effort in my job, which will usually mean putting in extra hours.....I won't be compensated with overtime (it comes in the manner of replacement leave). I ended up having to "purchased" leave through salary packaging , which literally mean I pay the company to have extra leave....when I'm usually being compensated with extra leave for my effort.

Tell me....as a sane and practical person.....why do I lose sleep and stressed over work?

I seriously think I should consider "letting go" and just take it as a job, and not a career that I'm passionate about. Like some close friends says (they are close enuff to say the truth), what kind of losers enjoy being an auditor anyway? YOu get paid shits , you work with loads of bullshits that the client come up with, plus.....your boss pushes you to the brink, you client hates you and your subordinate probably had a voodoo doll with your hair stuck somewhere, poking it everytime you give he/she more work.

~MH is wondering what happened to her optimism.....the time of the month is coming soon, hence the dark clouds are approaching!! The next few days are going to be dark and foul....be smart and don't mess with me!!~