Adulthood

I don't think I ever planned on getting old. Maybe I aspired to be in high school, when I was in primary school, or thinking about college and uni life when I was finishing high school, and excited about earning my own $$$ in the world of working adult.

But as with everything in life, they all did not turn out the way I imagined it would be. It was not bad, they sure are awesome years of my life, and I treasure every single friendship and experiences I had. Through the thick and thin, they say.

The thing that I missed the most, are the carefree days - where I can just sleep like a baby and not worry about a thing. Contentment comes easily to me. Peace and contentment seem to be most elusive feeling of all in Adulthood. When I was in my 20s, I believe if I am strong enough, if I believe enough, I can do everything. I don't need others when I can do it myself and I still remember the days when I strongly held on to the belief that if I were to find a partner in life, he only has to fill in the blanks in terms of what I am lacking.

But if you were to ask me now, I'll take any man who will take all my worries away. Haha....and hence, I choose to explore my relationship with God. They say, in God we trust, and he will give you peace, amidst the chaos.

Be gone silly infatuations, baseless worries, and all that distract me from following His chosen path, His plans for me.

Amen.

Celebrating the end of 40 Days of Dating

Initially, I'm unsure if I should celebrate. With Day 40 concluded - it meant that I have one less thing to focus on. Yup...life is as such (not a bad thing, but its neither a good thing either). Its like I'm in my own slump of nothingness, if there's such a thing.

Reliving through the experience as narrated in 40 Days of Dating, I realised that love cannot be made to happen. Its not a formula or recipe where you just need to follow through and it will work. Just like how Tim and Jessica, best friends as they maybe, getting together did not guarantee success. If you read through all documentary of the 40 days of their dating life, you realise that they started of as friends, which meant that they liked each other to a certain extend, both mutually agreed to the 40-day pact (i.e timing is right for both of them), and they made it to the "Oh, I'm in love" part, sex was great (they said that in the blog, REALLY), and they care for each other. But it still didn't work.

Putting that aside, I really love the illustration and the little "moments" of realisation of how life and love works. There's one part where they talked about picking up people in Wholefoods (their version of Cold Storage in Malaysia, I presumed). The need for serendipity......
I've watched that happened - right in front of me, and I watched the couple fall in love, had a good 2 years, worked out things together, move inter-states for each other, managed long-distance relationship, and for some unknown reason - it ended.

I don't know what to take away from all these. How much one need to put in, to beat the odds and make it to the finishing line of "happily ever after" ? Or is that too much to expect ?

I watched Dan and Steph in Season 4 of My Kitchen Rules. And I say to myself.....they are so in love with each other, they work as a unit, the epitome of 2 living as one. And its couples like that, that makes me think, maybe if I try..........and if I ever found this person, we can be our own Dan & Steph ?

Its really one confused world, isn't it ? Which is why, its always easier to just chill, have a great meal (or cook one), and surround myself with happy thoughts........and wake up ready to take on the day!!

You see and you feel...

"I see your true colours, that's why I love you" - True Colours by Cyndi Lauper

Its all about being comfortable in your own skin. As simple as it sounds, how many of us can say that honestly, that we are always comfortable being just ourself?

~thanks, K....will love myself more, and like you say, that'll help me "radiate"....~

Honestly, can u use another word other than "radiate" ar?? Makes me sound like some atom/neutron thingy....something more human? :P

Just joking...thanks for those pretty words!

Blessed...

On the 14th of Nov, I had lunch with Sarah, Nicholas Ling, Joe and Adrian. A very unlikely combo, but hey....i've only have 4 days in Kuala Lumpur and I want to meet my friends as much as I can.

Actually, Big Brother Adrian aka Tai Lou's presence was quite a surprise. He usually ffk us on most of the outing, unless Kristy insist that he have to come. And I'm really touched that he spend his precious lunch hour with me ! And Joe? Hahaha....I just like to hang out with him coz when he talks about food...he makes food feels like the most precious thing in the world.

Sarah...is my best buddy since Form 1 and I'll love to see her as much as I can, and she's a busy woman. Nicholas?? He's the Pokie that you'll love.....he's such a darling despite the "macho" front that he puts up all the time.

He's da man who say this " I would have cried, with the bday cupcakes you baked for my birthday...but sorry dude, I'm just too macho to cry!".

And MR. Macho have the nerve to say " Dude, let me walk you to the parking (I parked at Sooka Sentral carpark..its the basement, but its brightly lit)....it's the last time you'll have me as your bodyguard , k?" And I'm so touched....coz he's actually late in delivering the frappucino he bought as compensation to his colleague who helped him out with some work earlier on (see..I tell you that you have no friends, Nic....if you have us, you wouldn't have to buy us frappucinno...kekekekekek). And that's really sweet of him........and the thought of not having Nic walking me to carparks, leading the way (coz I'm always not looking left and right before crossing the road) and carry those heavy files makes me feel really sad.

Sigh...I can't bully him anymore! And he'll be so lonely in the firm....since most of us resigned in the past few months.

Then the strings of family dinners.....which was quite chaotic for my liking....so many people, so much co-ordination. Given the choice, I'll prefer to have mom and dad, my siblings and myself to a nice and quiet dinner at a cozy restaurant. But yea, these people are my family...my uncles and aunts, cousins, grandma....I'm grown up seeing them all my life, and as much as I think its a hassle arranging for these dinners (it gets up to 5 tables of 10 pax if the whole lot gets together), I feel blessed to know that I have so many people that love me...and these are the people who love me as I am....they don't ask me to be different, they just take me as I am.

The Musketeers :
We had our dose of Rakuzen before I'm to leave them...and adjourned at Full House @ Ara Damansara to have a round of our crazy cackle over.....nothing. When we are togethere...we just laughed at everything that seems funny and talked about the good ol' time. And how can you not laugh..when you have Cher??? He's so much fun!

Then they have graciously donated their Sunday night, as the Girl's Nite Out. We have that at Suet's house, where Shane the Girl made her signature Sangria......that was a lovely night. All of us Musketeers sitting in the kitchen sipping glass after glass of sangria...and chomping on a packet of chips and choc cake that Sarah brought....catching up, gossiping and talking about life in general. That's so Desperate Housewives , hor??

(Innocent Fruit Punch?? Wait till you chomp on the fruits.....)

("What's the secret ingredient to the secret ingredient soup? - Kungfu Panda. In this case, its just stirring the concoction well....)

(Yummy.....just the right taste, with the little bit of tanginess......and no dry tannin after taste....lurvly)

Choc cake.....that springs back if you poke it with your fingers

There's so much to write......but I think I need to stop for now.....there will be part two in counting my blessing......and i need to retrieve that note I have in my PDA phone while I'm on the flight flying from KLIA to Adelaide.......

Are you crazy? Are you stupid? Why do you behave like an idiot?

Girls, have you ever wonder why you fall for a guy, and after bouts of tearful and emotional break up....you ask yourself, what you see in him in the first place? Why had you even bothered then??

No, you are not stupid and you are not boy-crazy. It applies to both sexes, actually. Just that, the ladies have the tendency to show their emotional side more than the guys. Say, the Girl will round up her BFFs for a round of wailing, while the Guy can just get over the break up by, say...watching football? computer games? a game of futsal?

Apparently when you first fall in love, a hormone called serotonin will drop below the normal level, and it will cause a cataclysmic loss of wisdom and irrational obsession. Yeah...that's what we call being "love-struck" in laymen terms. So, a totally rational and logic-driven girl/boy may just go crazy and do something out of character when he/she experience the serotonin dips!

Well...you don't need drugs to get high...just try being in love, you'll be so high that you don't know why you do what you did!!!!

And the antidote to stop the addiction to love? According to Cosmo (Jan 2007, UK edition), you just tuck into high carb dishes like pasta and potatoes to raise levels of the mood-balancing hormone!!!

Yea...and get fat along the way.....You just can't win them all rite?

~MH feels glad that she spend money on magazines, she learn so much from them.....!~

Love so beautiful....

Love is..



...when her presence seemed to justify my very existence



...The fact is, love it when a man opens the door for me. According

to etiguette this means "She neds me to do this because she's

fragile", but in my soul is writen : " I'm being treated like a

goddess. I'm a queen."



...I'd be capable of doing almost anything, even leaving the woman

I was living with.



..."I'm talking about the love I'm discovering now and doing my

best to destroy before it reveals itself. I'd like you to

accept it. It's the little I have of myself, but it's not my

own. It's not exclusively yours, because there's someone in my

life, but I would be happy if you could accept it anyway. "

If I dot say everything I need to say tonight, I'll merely be a

spectator watching events unfold rather than the person

actually experiencing them.

(From The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho)





Alright, maybe "leaving the woman I'm living with" is not that ethical...

But its like discovering the power of love, doing things that you never thought you are capable of



Anyway, was "melting" after reading The Far Side of Forever by Life for Beginner, and got all emo after reading this particular chapter in The Witch of Portobello....

And my love quote for the day :
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. ~ by Sam Keen ~

Have you ever?

Have you ever asked, to love or to be loved?
Which would you prefer?

And how do you quantify the amount of love? You might feel blessed, and feel love by the little things he do, but he might feel that its really nothing...he want to do more, or vice versa.

Or what if it comes to a stage, when either one of you don't care anymore? Is that the end?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
-Have you ever, by Brandy-

If it as bad as how the lyrics say, why bother? Won't you be a better person without such burden...? But wait, have you ever consider it a burden, or is it what you thought, a labour of love?


All I want is someone
That could hold me down
That's gon be around
When I need him
Giving me that real love
Cause that's what he's about
Someone to ride with me
That's what I need.

I need someone whose sensitive but still thug
Someone who throws down but still knows how to show love
A real man, understanding but demanding
So proud but faithful to me
I need to feel like theres someone I could run to
He gives me more of his time then he's got to
Gives me my space when I gotta go and do me
Supports what ever makes me happy
I've had enough, its like a drug.
I can't give up, I'm feenin'
I'm in his plans, my superman, my baby
- What I Need, by Jeannie Ortega-

So what if you can't find the right person....what if The One remains elusive? Have you thought of that? Or worse still, he doesn't exist....... Have you ever give that a thought? If it is so, why bother searching......if fate plays a part, shouldn't we just let things be? Sooner or later, things will fall into place, won't it?


I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~


The irony of life, have you ever say things that you don't mean it? Tell him you hate him, but when you like him? Have you ever wonder why both of you are such idiots?

He ask " I'm crazy, I'm mad, why do you love me? "
She says " Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm an idiot, maybe ...that's why I love you? Maybe I just don't care and want to be a fool , and its just too painful to lose you"
~Unknown origin~

Really, have you ever wonder , What is love?

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
I said too much
They're not enough

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own
- excerpts from Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol-



- MH more confused than before-